Loss

I have never really had to go thru the grief of losing someone that I have really loved. I have lost my grandfather, but I was never all that close to him, so his death was not really all that sad. It was sad that my mother was hurting, as that was her father, but for me as an individual, it was not really a loss. Death has decided that he is now going to stalk my Grandmother. She is 84, and had lived a very full and rich life. She was married young to her first husband Hugo, (pop pop) and she had 2 boys, Mark and Carl, the later being my father. I was told that I was super close to pop pop, and I have memories of him, but his death I do not remember. She stayed single for along time, until she remarried a man named Jack Quinton. He was a tall and stoic. I am told he is the opposite of my Grandfather, but he makes my Gram happy, and that is all that counts. They are married for many years, but as time marches on, Death takes Jack from my Gram as well. My Gram is hit hard watching the second man she loves die. He wasted away for several months, until finally, he is called by God to return home. Now it is Gram's turn to meet death. She has never been a sick woman. She never really needed the doctor most of the time, until the ravages of age start there persistent drum beat. Her one ongoing medical concern is her blood pressure. It is a time bomb, and it has plagued her since her own mother passed. She has never been one to handle stress well, and it is slowly killing her. It has landed her in the hospital before, but she has always come out on top. This time however is different, as she is tired of fighting and is ready to put down the sword and go quietly into the night. I am not sure how long she has left on Earth, but death is an important part of life and should be celebrated. It is a time to remember the woman that we have all come to love and respect. I think that this is going to be hard on me, as our relationship was very close. She was a constant calming presence and just an all around cool chick. She always has time to sit and listen to a problem that I am having. She does not interject her comments, she just listens. It is nice to unload my woes to someone that will just let you vent. In turn, there is nothing that I would not do for her. I have alot of fond memories of Gram. I remember we were living in St. Pete at the time, and she had come to stay the night. She was sleeping on the pull out couch, and the sun was just starting to rise. I tiptoed over to the couch, and she saw me, held out her arms and we snuggled together watching the sun come up threw the fake bamboo blinds. She would sing to me as a child, as most grandparents do. The song she sung was "You are my Sunshine" not the whole song, just the hook, but I came to love that song. I am going to miss my Gram when she passes, but I know that she does not want to just exist, she has never just existed. She lived. As this final chapter in her life is coming to a close, I can look back with fond memories and remember that she was the one to teach me to tie my shoes, and was always there for me, no matter how stupid I messed up. Her constant love and support have become a huge part of my life, and learning to live without her is going to be a very unwelcoming reality in the coming future! I pray that her passing is quick and painless. Father, let her retain the dignity she maintained through out life.