Fog

My mind is in a fog right now. It is almost like a dream, but without the annoying urge to try and fly. I am processing the situation that is occurring, but I am not sure if it is registering yet? I am fully aware of my feelings, but I think that I am suppressing them. I have to come to grips that it is just not going to happen, and leave it at that! There are so many people that can see it, but the one that really counts, is either to dumb to recognize it, or is ignoring it. Either way it hurts. No one said life was simple. Love is unconditional, but people put to much stock in the conditions that they place on their love! Everyone wants to be loved, and love someone in return, that is a cornerstone of being human, but the concept of being in love baffles even the smartest among us! To love someone to the point that all you want is there happiness is beyond altruistic, but it is also hollow and disheartening for the giver of said emotions. I think that is where I am at, at this moment. Hollow, and empty. My heart is filled with love, hate, anger, rage, passion, envy, and a bevy of others that I can't fit into words! It is a mixed bag, but they have worked themselves into a dance that can't seem to be stopped. It has the makings of a great novel, but I lack to skill to articulate my words into a rational manuscript. Venting here makes me feel better, it is giving me time to think thru the emotions, and convey into words the feelings that are floating around in my head. Numb is the wrong word to use, but it best describes the feeling I have at this particular second. As I write this, I am flooded with several other thoughts, but non seem to make any more sense then the last. It is like a dream that you really want to remember when you wake up, but when you rise and try to recall the details,you are lost? It is kind of like that! My mind is lost in the torrent of activity that is being created every minute I continue typing. It is strange, but therapeutic at the same time. I am strangely happy to feel this way, because if we never experience heartbreak, how can we truly know what love is?