Have you ever wondered how far down the rabbit hole actually goes? I have been in a real funk the last few weeks, and I am not really sure what has spurned it, but I can certainly tell that it is there! I was seeing a really nice fella, but our situations were so completely different, that it was just not meant to be! I am not really connecting with my family the way I know that I should. I keep shutting them out! It is a defense posture that I have employed for years. It is safer and easier then dealing with them! I just don't understand. My life is not all that complicated, is it? I am very low key most of the time. I tend to keep to myself, I don't let alot of people in on the day to day stuff that gets me down. It is my own private business and I should be able to handle that on my own right? Wrong! I am a firm believer that we have all had the choice in living our lives so that our souls can experience something that it was laking in a previous life. It is like going back to the fair, to ride something that you did not get a chance to do the time before, get it? We each have a goal in the life that we are living right now. It is to fulfill the needs of the previous go round. I was a taker in my previous life. I have no trouble in giving this time around, but I have a hard time accepting the helping of others. I am stubborn, almost to the point of madness. I hate relying on others for things to get done, and not really being in charge of what happens to me and my well being. I have a certain amount of control, but in large part I am not at the reins! That is the life lesson for me. I have to experience the humble nature and learn to trust that others have my best interests at heart. (IE my family and friends) I am not good at this at all. I fail at it on a daily basis. It is such a simple concept, but oh so hard to grasp. My future is being laid out in front of me, and there are so many paths to choose, it all looks like a tangled mess at first glance. Keep in mind that there is always a lesson to be learned and in by thinking along those terms, the roads all merge into one straight path. I am 30, soon to be 31 and the journey is only becoming more difficult. I know what has to be done, in order to complete what I was here to do, but knowing it does not make it any easier!
