It's finally happened!

I have been reticent to write about what has been going on with my personal life for sometime. There is not really a reason, just been busy with my personal life! I have a new job, and I have an amazing partner that I can proudly claim as my own! I think that my life is finally coming together and for the better. There are a few bumps, but such is life. If the road were straight, then life would be no fun! I am simply stunned that George is a perfect fit for me. We are alot alike, but we are also quite different in all the right areas. He is a perfect counter balance to me, and I can say that I ground him as well. I am not an easy person to get along with. If you just meet me and spend a few minutes with me, than I am OK, but after a while, I have some faults that would send Mother Teresa into a tizzy! Thru George I have learned to calm down and not take life so seriously. A problem is only a problem for as long as you see it that way. Interestingly enough, I am overcoming issues that I have dealt with for years, all thanks to George. Seeing what it can do to another person on such an intimate level is an altogether altering experience. The simple truth is that he is a remarkable human being, and I have never been more in love with anyone in my life. I have finally found what I have been seeking for so long. A partner, a companion to share my interesting journey thru life with. I am a firm believer that the universe knows exactly what we need, and when we need it. You just have to listen for when it rings the doorbell. Take time to tell your loved one how much they mean to you. I'm sure that they can't get enough of the love and attention that everyone wants, but as busy people we are always running short of time to tell them! Make the time. You are together for a reason, remember that!

-S

Protect and serve my ass!

I have never been a fan of the law, and of law enforcement, however they are an important part of civilized society when they are doing there job correctly. For was far back as I can remember, cops have cared less and less about protecting the public, and are more concerned about filling there coffers. They bleed you dry whenever they can. It is said that doing this is in the name of safety, and we all know that it's bullshit! The more money they can suck out of your wallet the happier they are! They arrest mobsters for pulling protection racquet's exactly like the shit these prick bastards are pulling, only they are never held accountable. How far is to far, how much is to much? I cannot even imagine the trouble I would be in if I was to start a business and rip off my customers the way these asshole cops are! Less we forget these pit vipers are our employees, we pay the salaries of these low life rat bastards! I know that their's is not an easy job, but there would be alot less crime if the focus was not on stealing our money, but on fighting and solving REAL crimes. People hate cops for one simple reason, they don't want their money STOLEN! That is why people are hostel during basic traffic stops, because the hard working person that was speeding home to be with their family, now has to decide on whether they are going to eat this week, or pay the outrageous fine the scumbag cops decided to levy on an otherwise law abiding citizen. Why is it that people snap when pulled over? because half of there paycheck is going to pay for more riding boots and ticket pads for a bunch of fat, lazy, bitch cops to write more tickets and STEAL more money! We need law and order, that is a solid fact, but letting the police department and your local government get away with this kind of theft is just insane! When you are driving with the flow of traffic and keeping up with everyone else, there is no problem. I think that speed limits are necessary for school zones, hospital zones, constructions zones, and residential neighborhoods, and a few other exceptions, and that's it! In closing all I have to say is I'm tired of being raped by my employees, enough is enough. NWA said it best, FUCK THE POLICE!

10 Things I’ve Learned at the Dog Park.

I am borrowing this from www.breaktheillusion.com. It was very well written, and it does have a really good message! I'll let Davie take it from here!

1. If you wag your tail, people will pet you. We don’t have tails, but we do have the human equivalent: a smile. Use it! Especially if you want to make new friends.
2. If you love someone, let them know. Dogs have no problem expressing their affection. We could use some of that.
3. There’s no such thing as strangers. I’ve had so many unmet dogs jump up on my lap and plop down. We’re all just friends, brothers and sisters that haven’t yet met.
4. You don’t need much to be happy. Dogs are really, really happy. Interestingly enough, few are standing in line for an iPhone 4. Hmm.
5. You’re never too old to play. Even the elderly canines aren’t too sophisticated to chase a ball and get down and dirty.
6. There’s nothing wrong with sticking your face in someone else’s ass. I’ve been saying this for years…
7. Everything is an adventure. More accurately, everything can be an adventure – if we allow ourselves to see it as such. I still haven’t heard a dog complain that he’s bored.
8. Give lots of hugs and kisses. They are a renewable resource.
9. Homosexuality is natural. I’ve seen so many male dogs hump each other relentlessly. And none of the other dogs care, protest or commit hate crimes when it happens.
10. A full belly and a good nap are two of life’s greatest pleasures. Enough said.

A day like any other......

CRACK! The loud thump came after the initial blow, and he was gone, split, afterlife city! I can’t believe how messy this shit was. I never imagined it as bloody as this, my god, if I knew; I would have brought extra blankets, and a few more wet naps. My hands are covered in this poor fella’s blood. I can’t wimp out now, it’s done, and it was necessary. Why was it necessary? You know why! Don’t second guess yourself; just load the package into the trunk before you arouse suspicion. Get a move on, let’s go. Time is not on your side tonight. If you are gonna finish the job, you have to get the lead out. MOVE IT!

Where in the heck are those blankets? Where did I put them……Button button, who’s got the button? AHHHHHH, found um. Silly me, next time, I will be more organized. Next time? What was I thinking? There was not going to be a next time, well there might be if YOU DON’T HURRY UP! My gosh, this was a lot of work for one person. I have to pace myself, but I can’t drag my feet, I don’t wanna be careless and make a mistake, do I?

If you want to hear the whole thing, please follow the link, and you can hear the whole version, and it is also able to be downloaded!

http://www.icompositions.com/music/song.php?sid=143718

What the hell was that recap!

I am posting this video in response to a few folks that said they were having a hard time figuring out "What the hell " actually happened! If you have any further need of assistance, please feel free to msg me on Icomps, and I will help the best I can!

Stephen

Fog

My mind is in a fog right now. It is almost like a dream, but without the annoying urge to try and fly. I am processing the situation that is occurring, but I am not sure if it is registering yet? I am fully aware of my feelings, but I think that I am suppressing them. I have to come to grips that it is just not going to happen, and leave it at that! There are so many people that can see it, but the one that really counts, is either to dumb to recognize it, or is ignoring it. Either way it hurts. No one said life was simple. Love is unconditional, but people put to much stock in the conditions that they place on their love! Everyone wants to be loved, and love someone in return, that is a cornerstone of being human, but the concept of being in love baffles even the smartest among us! To love someone to the point that all you want is there happiness is beyond altruistic, but it is also hollow and disheartening for the giver of said emotions. I think that is where I am at, at this moment. Hollow, and empty. My heart is filled with love, hate, anger, rage, passion, envy, and a bevy of others that I can't fit into words! It is a mixed bag, but they have worked themselves into a dance that can't seem to be stopped. It has the makings of a great novel, but I lack to skill to articulate my words into a rational manuscript. Venting here makes me feel better, it is giving me time to think thru the emotions, and convey into words the feelings that are floating around in my head. Numb is the wrong word to use, but it best describes the feeling I have at this particular second. As I write this, I am flooded with several other thoughts, but non seem to make any more sense then the last. It is like a dream that you really want to remember when you wake up, but when you rise and try to recall the details,you are lost? It is kind of like that! My mind is lost in the torrent of activity that is being created every minute I continue typing. It is strange, but therapeutic at the same time. I am strangely happy to feel this way, because if we never experience heartbreak, how can we truly know what love is?

"Lessons I learned as a boy"

“An older boy and his young companion were walking along a road which led through a field. They saw an old coat and a badly worn pair of men’s shoes by the roadside, and in the distance they saw the owner working in the field.

“The younger boy suggested that they hide the shoes, conceal themselves, and watch the perplexity on the owner’s face when he returned.

“The older boy … thought that would not be so good. He said the owner must be a very poor man. So, after talking the matter over, at his suggestion, they concluded to try another experiment. Instead of hiding the shoes, they would put a silver dollar in each one and … see what the owner did when he discovered the money. So they did that.

“Pretty soon the man returned from the field, put on his coat, slipped one foot into a shoe, felt something hard, took it out and found a silver dollar. Wonder and surprise [shone] upon his face. He looked at the dollar again and again, turned around and could see nobody, then proceeded to put on the other shoe; when to his great surprise he found another dollar. His feelings overcame him. … He knelt down and offered aloud a prayer of thanksgiving, in which he spoke of his wife being sick and helpless and his children without bread. … He fervently thanked the Lord for this bounty from unknown hands and evoked the blessing of heaven upon those who gave him this needed help.

“The boys remained [hidden] until he had gone.” They had been touched by his prayer and felt something warm within their hearts. As they left to walk down the road, one said to the other, “Don’t you have a good feeling?”

(Adapted from Bryant S. Hinckley, Not by Bread Alone, 95).

MY HEAD

HURTS

I think that I

I think that I let my emotions lead my thinking alot of the time.

I think that I should learn to just slow down, and relax.

I think that I need to be more trusting of others.

I think that I have alot of pent up anger that I don't know how to deal with.

I think that I should learn to stay quiet more often.

I think that I need to remember, that not everyone wants advise.

I think that I get out and be more social.

I think that I am not a bad person.

I think that I am kinda funny at times.

I think that I not really funny at times.

I think that I need to remember my family means well.

I think that I need to focus on my health.

I think that I should listen more, and say less.

I think that I have alot to offer a partner.

I think that I am open to learning new things.

I think that I kinda smart.

I think that I kinda cute.

I think that I have to much time on my hands.

I think that I should wear my glasses more often.

I think that I should give up soda outright.

I think that I should eat like I am 31.

I think that I can still act like a kid sometimes.

I think that I am not silly for watching cartoons.

I think that I still have alot of growing to do.

I think that I need to stop making this list.

I had alot of things going thru my head, and I felt the need to get them out! I am not as put together as I would like to be, but life is a changing experience, and we have to change with it. My needs are different then yours, I am guessing, but on the whole, we all are striving for the same thing. We all want to love and be loved in return. We all need to feel like we are a value to humanity in some fashion. The difference is the way we go about getting there. Sitting still can be so damaging to ones own feeling of worth.

Wonderland

Have you ever wondered how far down the rabbit hole actually goes? I have been in a real funk the last few weeks, and I am not really sure what has spurned it, but I can certainly tell that it is there! I was seeing a really nice fella, but our situations were so completely different, that it was just not meant to be! I am not really connecting with my family the way I know that I should. I keep shutting them out! It is a defense posture that I have employed for years. It is safer and easier then dealing with them! I just don't understand. My life is not all that complicated, is it? I am very low key most of the time. I tend to keep to myself, I don't let alot of people in on the day to day stuff that gets me down. It is my own private business and I should be able to handle that on my own right? Wrong! I am a firm believer that we have all had the choice in living our lives so that our souls can experience something that it was laking in a previous life. It is like going back to the fair, to ride something that you did not get a chance to do the time before, get it? We each have a goal in the life that we are living right now. It is to fulfill the needs of the previous go round. I was a taker in my previous life. I have no trouble in giving this time around, but I have a hard time accepting the helping of others. I am stubborn, almost to the point of madness. I hate relying on others for things to get done, and not really being in charge of what happens to me and my well being. I have a certain amount of control, but in large part I am not at the reins! That is the life lesson for me. I have to experience the humble nature and learn to trust that others have my best interests at heart. (IE my family and friends) I am not good at this at all. I fail at it on a daily basis. It is such a simple concept, but oh so hard to grasp. My future is being laid out in front of me, and there are so many paths to choose, it all looks like a tangled mess at first glance. Keep in mind that there is always a lesson to be learned and in by thinking along those terms, the roads all merge into one straight path. I am 30, soon to be 31 and the journey is only becoming more difficult. I know what has to be done, in order to complete what I was here to do, but knowing it does not make it any easier!