Why???

I am torn alot of the time. I have a clear idea of what I wanna do in my head, but most of the time it does not all work out as planned. I try to keep my life simple, but it always get complicated in the end. I am forced to go along with things I have no intrest in, and I am pulled and tugged at by people I should love, but there very existance drives me to the point of madness. I have no one to confide in, and I have no real outlet for my frustration. My blog is a good example. I try to write about what I am feeling, like an online diary, but I am torn there too! I don't want to fill this whole page with negitive thougts, but then we are back to the begining again.... Where do I vent? Who do I turn to? The is no simple answer to this. I could go to a shrink, spill my guts for 150.00 an hour, and that would solve what? The trouble for that day, week, month? How long would I be able to hold it in again. I feel like I am on the verge of a very deep and violent outburst. I have been in control for to long! I don't want to contain it anymore! I am tired of always keeping it together. I am at the end of a very long rope, and if I don't fall off it, I will certinly hang myself with it! I am not sure where to go with this, but I will say this. This is not a threat of violence against anyone, or threats to my own personal safety. It is the plea of a desprate man for salvation. All I wanna know is that there is light at the end of this verly long dark tunnel.

-S